You’ll be on my mind, don’t give yourself away to the weight of love – The Black Keys
Is there a girl out there who doesn’t hate herself in some way or another? I feel like for the past 8 years i’ve been in a battle of acceptance and self hatred, from my personality to the way I look or act, there is always something that makes me think you need to change or it’s my fault this has happened because of the way I am. Self love and self acceptance is a concept I struggle with, sometimes I feel like I don’t deserve to be happy with the way I am, I don’t know why but I just don’t, I also don’t feel as though this is unusual or uncommon as a young woman either. Feeling inadequate is somewhat of a normality for many girls for a number of reasons, not funny enough, not pretty enough, not intelligent enough.
This thought stems from numbers, the number of my jean size, the number on the scales, the number of people i’ve slept with, the number of people that boy I like has slept with, the number of friends I have, the number in my bank account, I could go on and on. Why should I feel so inadequate because I can’t possibly compete with the 17 other girls he has slept with or because i’ll never fit in a size 12 dress. These are thoughts that make me question the love I have for myself and who I am. Sometimes I think, should I even compare myself to those other girls? How could someone like me possibly even match to those girls? Yet other times I wouldn’t even think twice about it, i’m my own person and in no way comparable to anyone else.
Sometimes I think i’ve come a long long way these past few years, i’ll have days of self acceptance where I think ‘this is who I am and quite frankly it isn’t all bad really is it,’ I think about the fact that since uni started I dropped 3 dress sizes, I have a group of friends I adore and I nearly have a degree. However, eating quinoa and doing exercise dvds and losing weight isn’t gonna make me instantly love myself, just like letting boys walk all over me because I think it will make them like me more doesn’t make me happy. Self love, acceptance and happiness is a mindset, a mindset I think I am still yet to truly understand.
Kelsey Sewell 